Orange

Yesterday was the last day of my self-allowed pity party. To mark the passing of said pity party I went out with a friend to drink some more. I decided that I would get a little gussied up. To me this means a shirt that is not a t-shirt (button up, brown in this case) and heels. Jeans are a given, this was not a skirt occasion. So I wore heels. Orange heels*. Pretty orange heels. Painful orange heels. I currently have one blister the size of a quarter on the ball of EACH foot. Plus one that covers the entirety of my second toe on the right foot and a tiny one on the side of my big toe on the other foot. Right now I do not walk so good.
* If it isn't obvious I like the color orange. A lot. I even bought orange sheets.
All in all I walked 8 miles yesterday, maybe even a little more. No, all eight were not walked in the heels. Rather a pair of orange Merrels (told ya I liked orange). And about seven the day before yesterday. Today I will be lucky if I walk one. I want to get back in the habit of walking between five and ten miles a day. Every day. Except in the rain. That and bike riding again. Every weekday. I learned last year that it is damn near impossible to ride in Lincoln Park or on the lake paths on a weekend. The paths are packed. Usually with incredibly inconsiderate walkers, rollerbladers, and the "mommy brigade". I ride early (for me anyway) weekday mornings when it's not raining or too windy. The bike is a steel-framed mountain bike and I would swear it weighs nearly 40 pounds, I can barely make it move in the wind.

--Little Bird is limping

Coward

He was supposed to arrive yesterday evening. He did not. I can deal with the idea that he's just not that into me. What bugs me is the lack of balls. He couldn't even call to make an excuse. Oh well, his loss. I looked great yesterday evening. Before I went to the bar and comenced to drink until they closed. I was a little bitter. Still am. I guess it's better to know what I know now instead of being strung along for longer. To be honest I don't know yet if I'm angry or if I'm sad. If I had to say what I am right this moment I'd have to say I'm both.
The way I've chosen to look at this is to say that now I can focus on my own life again. I can go out and have fun. I can date any guy I choose. I have decided to pamper myself with hot baths, perfume, and other such girly things. Like wine! I am drinking right now, and soon I will take a looonnnng, hot, lilac scented bath. Just thinking about it is relaxing.

Little Bird is going to be ok

Torturing Myself

It appears that my previous quandry was an excersize in futility. I have not heard from HNG (Hot New Guy) in over a week now. My mind being over active I have come up with possible reasons that would prevent him from calling. First being that his cell phone broke, and he never memorized my number (sounds bad but then I never memorized his, I just programed it into MY phone). Second, him being in training, they moved everybody on base and took their phones away (uh, did I mention he's in the army?). So, now I'm not even sure if he's coming or not. If he CAN'T call I don't want to be angry with him. If he WON'T call, I reserve the right to be furious. Livid. But right now, I'm just confused. And a little depressed.

Little Bird is at a loss

Quandry

Ok, after yesterday's post I got to thinking. You see, a little over a month ago I met this guy. On a train. A very attractive guy. And we have carried on a phone "relationship", and no not in the "dirty" sense. I really like this guy. We'll call him Hot Train Guy or HTG for the sake of simplicity. Any way HTG knows that I have a neurological condition. And that that condition precludes me from having children. And that is all he knows. I didn't tell him about the tumors or the spots. Ahould I have? Am I setting myself up for heartbreak?
In the past I have been pretty up-front about it. Usually mentioning it the first time I meet someone (which could explain why I haven't dated in well over a year). But this time it seemed like the topic didn't really come up on the train. And never did on the phone or in e-mails either. I don't want him to think I was hiding it, or attempting to trick him, it just never really came up. And now I'm a little afraid that he'll be disgusted or feel duped.
He's visiting this Friday. He'll be here 'till Sunday early afternoon. He will definitely see the tumors. I can't exactly say "Oh, by the way, before you get here there's something you should know..." or "Oh, before we hop into this bed you should probably know this thing about me...." AAAARRRGGG!!!!

Little Bird is soooo confused

Blah blah blah

So far today has been blah. I walked 4 and a half miles and will end up walking 3 more. Yes, I am doing it on purpose. I may be crazy. I'm watching bad TV. Mainly because there is nothing to do. I work for my folks and they have nothing for me to do today. I should probably explain a few things.
I have neurofibromatosis (say THAT five times fast). And NF causes a whole host of issues. I have tumors (little ones and benign) and spots. I have a non-verbal learning disability. For those who may want to say I don't sound like I have a learning disability, go look up a non-verbal learning disability. Because of the NLD (that's the learning disability) I have a problem with employment. Keeping it that is. This is why I work for my folks. This also means I have no health insurance. I am un-coverable. Good times. The up-shot is I have lots of time to walk 7 miles and watch bad TV. I come of soundig flip about it, but that's sort of how I deal with it. If I didn't laugh about it, I'd cry a lot.
--little bird

Apples, apples everywhere

Ok, so I live in Chicago, a large city. One expects to see all kinds of weirdness in a city this size. But some days are weirder than others. Last summer while walking I saw: two adult and sane looking women lying on the sidewalk having a conversation. Lying on their backs mind you. On the sidewalk! Later that same day in the park the firemen were hosing down trees for no apparent reason, there was no fire. And their test site is not in the park. Lastly on that strange strange day there was a large fiberglass orange spotted cow being pulled down the street. See? Weirdness. So yesterday I shouldn't have been too weirded out by what I saw. Apples. Under bushes. In yards. In fountains. Perfectly good apples. No bites taken out, no bruising (I think, I didn't get too close). One apple I could understand, some one dropped it when walking home from the store, sure I get that. But in the middle of a hedged in yard, far from the sidewalks? An apartment yard no less, the kind you aren't allowed to walk around in. In fountains? I sort of wondered if someone did it on purpose just to see if anyone noticed them. How they would know that anyone noticed them is not something I figured out yet.
--Little Bird

Testing

Well, I've done it. I've started a blog. Please expect this to be semi-coherent ramblings and such. Oh, and as this is more or less an on-line diary, fairly self-involved. Yes, I know, I am announcing my right to be lame.